I'm thinking about life five years ago today. What were we doing? Where were we? I was holding your hand. You brought books on brewing beer to read, so silly. They told me to go get you a sandwich out of the machine in case you went low. What? Awesome health care, guys, really. ICU, I ignored the rules and stayed by your side. All those tubes, all those beeps, all that hunger. Test after test after test. Your folks came and tried to hide their panic. We had insulin figured out before the nurse tried to describe it to us. I feel gratitude for our common sense. You are released, we go to the book store, we go out to eat. That moment it starts, that moment you felt it whole. Life begins on a roller coaster built for two. We have weathered the storms, even if we come out tattered. We have held on to each other, sometimes not as tight as we should and others too tight. It hasn't been perfect, there has been so much pain and so much heart break. So much should not be asked of two people. Such a heavy load to bear. So much taken away five years ago, so much lost. I do it for you because my love has not stopped (despite forces working against it). Because my passion for your happiness is endless. Rivers and blankets of tears have flowed through me. My heart has ached ceaselessly. We continue to go on everyday in our rehearsed normalcy as if we are not both in great pain longing for the other side of five years ago. I will hold your hand and your heart for as long as you let me. I will take care of you and put up with you for the rest of your life. I am sorry that I'm not better at it, I'm sorry that..... We should be brewing our own beer right now.
